Distractions

One of my habits is to seek distractions.  I'm trying to understand why I do that, even while being fully aware that I am pulling my attention away from something important to something much more trivial.

Sometimes I feel I am stuck - not sure how to proceed, not wanting to make a decision.... "oh, there's a happy distraction - let me look at that!..."

(After writing that, I just went and ate a small tomato and brewed another cup of tea - happy distractions from the task of writing.)

Perhaps distractions are actually helpful sometimes - like backing up to find another way around an obstacle - or pressing "reset" on a mind that needs fresh energy.  Or perhaps that's just a rationalization for them.

On the other hand, "distract" has an archaic meaning of insane, or mad, and sometimes that's what it feels like distractions are leading me to.

Much of my typical day at work is reacting to external stimuli - emails about new tasks, phone calls, meetings, documents appearing in my in-box for review.  I am used to being reactive.  The day sometimes seems like a never ending stream of distractions.

I think there's a part of my brain that knows how to react to things, and another part that knows how to initiate, to create.  In spite of being stressful, reaction is easier.  Initiation is more difficult, and so my mind seeks distractions to get back to the safe, easy zone.

If I want to spend more time and energy initiating and creating, I have to change my relationship to distractedness, changing the balance toward more mindfulness, and less distraction.