Shadows and Being

Walking home from assisting in the Monday night yoga class, I became interested in my shadow.  I watched as it lengthened and shortened, and as it moved from behind me, around to the side and to the front.  Sometimes on the left, sometimes on the right.  Sometimes disappearing, other times more than one shadow, moving independently.  As it moved, and changed size and shape, it also changed in contrast - sometimes dark and sharp edged, other times faded, barely visible.

I thought of how often I had walked this route over the past 11 years, and never paid more than passing attention to my shadow.  Tonight, I watched it in fascination, thinking about what it told me about the sources of light I was passing.  

I also began to identify more and more with the shadow - aware of it as my shadow - its presence a response to my being.  I was watching it grow longer before me with each step, only peripherally aware that it was also growing fainter.  My concentration deepened as the shadow became lighter.  Then, in the next step, the shadow melted into the pavement.  My breath caught briefly as my mind processed this fading from existence, this merging of my presence into the larger world.

Then another step, and another shadow began to emerge.  I began to watch for these fade-outs - the progressive diminishment of my projection onto the earth until, just in an instant, I disappeared.  Every time was a bit unsettling.  A metaphor for the end of life, in a fading shadow.  A phenomenon that has been around me on every night time walk, waiting for me to notice.