Friday, August 15, 2014

Abnormal, Unnecessary, and Unhelpful

I drove 9 hours to Ft Wayne, Indiana today.  It was less expensive to rent a car one way than to fly. As usual when I'm driving, the fist couple of hours can be difficult, and make me doubt whether I'll last, but after that I settle in and the time and miles flow by.

I had plenty of time to observe myself and practice noticing tension and letting it go.  Perhaps I'm less tired because I leaked less energy, a little at a time, holding onto little bits, hour after hour.

It also gave me a calm baseline to observe those moments when I started to spin up - when I missed an exit - when I circled the gas pumps about 6 times because, after maneuvering toward a spot with the pump on the right side of the car, I'd find someone pulling in ahead of me - when I was dropped off at the back of the B&B and directed toward a sign with an arrow pointing in a general direction that said check-in at red awning.  After approaching three rather dubious looking portals with red awnings with no success, I walked all the way out to the front on Washington St, and found a much larger red awning over a door labeled "Check in Here."

I used to think that feeling of agitation and uncertainty was normal.  Now it feels very abnormal, unnecessary, and unhelpful. 

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